


You Gave Me the Time of My Life

by peraltiaghoe



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Death, F/M, Hurt, I cried the whole time i was writing this, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-29 10:06:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19017727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peraltiaghoe/pseuds/peraltiaghoe
Summary: au from Maria:"au where Jake dies in the line of duty before his daughter is born and one day Amy finds her trying on his old stuff and she has his badge around her neck and looks up smiling at her mom saying 'look mommy I'm just like dad' and Amy smiles, but there are tears in her eyes"





	You Gave Me the Time of My Life

**Author's Note:**

> When I say I cried the whole time I wrote this, I mean I cried the _whole_ time I wrote this. 
> 
> Look forward to that.

_Officer down. Officer down at 23rd and North, we need an ambulance and back-up. I repeat, we have an officer down at 23rd and North, please send an ambulance and back-up_. 

She could barely hear the words that her Captain was saying. She was on the ground, holding him. There was blood everywhere. So much blood. Her vision was blurred from the tears, but she could see the warm, red substance, all over him, flowing onto her as she held him, kissing his face, whispering through her tears that everything would be okay. 

“Ames,” he whispered back solemnly, gasping hard to take a staggered breath.

“I know,” she whispered back, her voice breaking through the tears. She tried to smile for him. “Shhh, Jake. It’s going to be okay.” She lied. Things were not going to be okay, she could tell. They were putting pressure on his gunshot wound, but the blood was still flowing. 

His eyes searched hers. She could see the fear in his expression as she held her husband close to her, begging any force in the universe to stop the scene that was unrolling before here eyes. 

“Santiago,” Captain Holt said. She looked frantically at him, tears on his own face. He was out of Jake’s view. He shook his head softly at her. 

She was trying so hard to keep it together for Jake. She was wiping tears, his own as well as hers, off of his face, continuing her calming whispers. 

“It’s okay. I’m right here. I’m not leaving you,” she lost her control, sobbing and taking a deep, broken breath. She could smell his blood, the undeniable smell of iron burnt her nose. 

“Amy,” he cried back. “I love you so much,” his struggled breathing forced him to stop talking. 

“I love you, too,” she whispered back. He smiled at her, the smile that she loved more than almost anything in the world. 

“It’s going to be okay,” he assured her. He was calming her down. Of course he was. 

His pulse was weakening. She had kept her fingers pressed on his neck, taking his pulse. Where was the fucking ambulance? Couldn’t they drive him in themselves? 

Jake swallowed hard, eyes frantically searching Amy’s. There was so much blood. How much blood had he lost? Too much. It had to have been too much. 

She slipped into a memory. 

‘You know, it’s because of you that I remember my blood type,’ Jake had said. 

She laughed. ‘Oh yeah? Why is that?’

‘Well, in Coral Palms, for one. After you shot you me and I needed a blood transfusion, remember I told them the wrong blood type?’ He laughed a husky laugh that brought a smile to her lips. 

‘That’s what helps you to remember?’

‘No,’ he laughed again. ‘I’m B positive. I know because if I got a B+ on a test, you’d be so proud of me.’ He beamed at her as he said it. 

Back to reality. She could hear the sirens, still a distance away. Jake’s eyes fluttered shut. He struggled to keep them open, to meet her gaze with his own. He looked so sleepy. 

“Jake, baby, they’re almost here. It’s okay, they’re almost here,” he words were frantic. She was trying her hardest to keep him there with her, keep him conscious. His pulse was dangerously low. “You gotta stay with me, detective,” she used a firm voice. 

He smiled a little. “God, I love you.” His voice was so low as he spoke, syllables melting into one another. He opened his eyes fully and looked at her, the saddest look she had ever seen on his face. He took a deep breath, trying his hardest to control it. “Make sure she knows that I love her,” he instructed. His voice broke, his lips quivering as he struggled to continue. “I love you both so much. My girls.” His voice, still so quiet and slow, was filled with adoration. He smiled weakly.

She was crying so hard that she couldn’t speak. She ran her fingers through his hair, trying to calm him, trying to let him know that she wouldn’t have to tell their daughter these things because he would be around to tell her himself. He would be fine. Everything would be okay. But there was so much blood. The blood that pooled around them got larger by the minute.

His eyes fluttered shut, his pulse so weak that she could barely feel it. She gently shook his shoulder. “Jake? Jake?!” She was hyperventilating, “Captain!”

The ambulance pulled up and they rushed around them, working to move Jake onto the stretcher and pulling him into the ambulance. Holt spoke with the paramedics, explaining the situation, how long they had been there, and when he had become unresponsive. The only words that Amy could get out between her sobs were, “B plus,” when asked what his blood type was. 

They wouldn’t let her ride in the ambulance with them, citing that his state of emergency was so extreme that they needed all of the extra room to move, to use any life-saving measures that they could. In their patrol car, Holt made it to the hospital before the ambulance did and they waited anxiously outside for the vehicle to arrive, with a smirking, joking Jake inside. 

The ambulance pulled up and the paramedics in the front rushed out, glancing carefully at Amy as they did. The doors opened and the Jake that was pulled from the vehicle was not smirking, not joking. He didn’t look like he was even breathing. 

“What’s happening?” Amy’s frantic questions were flowing. “Is he okay?”

“Ma’am, we’re going to have to get him inside to the doctors. They’ll be able to tell you more.” 

“Is he going to be okay?” She asked again, more sternly. She needed an answer.

A paramedic turned to look at her, sympathy in his eyes. “It doesn’t look good.”

Her knees buckled beneath her. Holt managed to catch her before she hit the ground, holding her tightly as her cries turned into something more resembling screams. 

Later, it felt like hours later to her, she was alone with him. The room was silent. It smelled the way that hospitals always smelled. Clean, but sickening. The metallic smell of his blood still stained her nose, stuck on her clothing. No monitors beeped. Jake wasn’t on any monitors, because Jake was no longer with her. She stood in front of the door, left alone with the shell of her husband. 

She didn’t think she had any tears left in her, but they flowed freely now. He looked peaceful, but tired. She took a few steps closer, inspecting him. They had done a good job of cleaning him up. He still looked like her husband, but different. The hint of a smirk wasn’t present on his lips, the crinkle she was used to seeing near his eyes from the smile that was almost always waiting to shine through. 

She grabbed his hand, cold to the touch. 

“Jake,” she cried softly. She wanted him to comfort her so badly, and the knowledge that he would never comfort her again was enough to bring her to her knees. 

She spent a few minutes alone with him, her forehead pressed against his as she cried, trying to find some semblance of comfort in the new reality that she found herself in. She was a widow. The man she had spent almost all of her waking moments with was gone. His last words were, “my girls.” 

His girls. Their daughter, at home with one of Amy’s brothers. She had called and given him the news, but of course asked that he not share it with her young daughter. Her daughter, two and a half years old, who would have no understanding of the loss she was now catapulted into. She needed to go home, to hold their baby girl, the last piece of Jake left on this earth. 

When she said her goodbyes to her husband and left the room, she was greeted by the entire squad in the waiting room. Their faces were all solemn, tears on everyone’s faces as they watched her walk out. Rosa was the first to grab her, pull her into a hug. She didn’t care that there was still blood staining every surface of Amy’s outfit. 

“I’m here,” Rosa said sternly. Amy nodded into her shoulder and they cried together. Instead of waiting to go one at a time, the rest of the squad made their way over to join Rosa in hugging Amy. They didn’t have to repeat Rosa’s sentiment. She knew they were all there for her, whatever she needed. 

She felt exhausted and she wanted nothing more than to go home to see their child. Holt started the car, quiet as he spoke to her. 

“If it’s okay with you, I was going to make a stop at the precinct. I have something for you.” 

Amy nodded. She didn’t have the energy to care to ask what it was. She wanted to grab a few of Jake’s things from his desk to take home with her that night, anyway. She had the bag from the hospital of the clothes that he had been wearing. She wore his badge around her own neck, thumbing the metal with her fingers as tears silently streamed down her face. 

When they got to the precinct, Amy inspected Jake’s desk. Holt disappeared into his office, returning moments later with a paper folded into his hands. 

“This is from Jake,” he said quietly. “He gave it to me shortly after the baby was born. He asked that if anything ever happened to him, that I make sure you get it. I haven’t read it.”

She looked at him curiously and took the paper. She unfolded it to see Jake’s familiar, messy handwriting in pen on the paper. 

_Ames_ ,

 _I love you more than you could ever know. I can’t imagine my life without you, which is why I know this is harder for you than I could imagine. I want you to know a few things_. 

_You are stronger than you know. You will get through this. You are a great mother, a great sergeant, and a wonderful person. Do not feel bad for moving on with your life. That’s what I want for you. I want you to be happy. Be happy for me, and more importantly, be happy for our little girl_. 

_I will never leave you. Even if I’m gone, I will do anything in the universe to find my way back to you. I’ll haunt you, if I have to. If reincarnation is a thing, I’ll come back as an ant and hang out on the counter and eat the burnt crumbs, or I’ll come back as a stray dog and wait on your doorstep until you let me in_. 

_Most importantly, I want you to know that you gave me the time of my life. From being your colleague, to your friend, to your boyfriend, and now, somehow, your husband. I don’t know how I ever got so lucky. I don’t deserve half of what I have gotten to experience by having you by my side, but I am so grateful. Know that I never spent a day not thanking the world for giving you to me_. 

_I love you both so much. Let her know that I am so proud of her, every day_. 

_I also left a CD in the closet. It’s me singing lullabies and reading books for her. There’s another one for you, in case you want to hear my voice sometime. They’re both labelled_. 

_I love you, Amy Santiago. Please don’t forget_. 

_Always_ , 

_Jake_

She exhaled sharply when she finished reading, folding the paper back up and hugging it to her chest. 

“Can you drive me home, please?” She asked softly. 

Captain Holt nodded and squeezed her shoulder as they walked back toward the elevator. 

Her brother had hugged her when she got inside. He asked her repeatedly if there was anything he could, if he should stay, did mom know? She answered all of his questions but asked that he left so she could spend some time alone with her daughter. He reassured her that he could call her for any request before leaving her alone. 

Amy smiled at her daughter, who had been captivated by she and her father’s favorite movie to watch together, Moana. She looked at the medium brown, curly hair that fell at about shoulder length, smiling at the curls that she knew came straight from him. 

After a long, tearful talk with her baby about how daddy wouldn’t be coming home, but he and mommy loved her very much, she got her daughter settled into bed. She thought maybe tonight would be too soon for the lullabies, but she was so glad that he had left them so that their daughter would never forget his voice. 

After laying in the toddler bed for too long, watching her sleep peacefully, Amy finally retreated to her bedroom. She was grateful for the time with her daughter, the only time so far since Jake had been shot that she actually felt like a real person. She stretched onto her tiptoes and stared into the bedroom closet, feeling around with her hand to locate the disks that Jake had left for them. 

Once she found them, labelled with that same messy writing, she picked up the one that said “Ames only,” and popped it into the little radio in their room. 

She waited as the disk turned, filling the room with his voice. This time it was happiness that brought on her tears. She smiled through all of the tracks, listening to him recount some of his favorite memories with her, telling her jokes, singing the song they danced to at their wedding. The second to last track was him assuring her that this was definitely an NSFW track, and if she was in an inappropriate place, she should skip this. She listened on, curious about what it could be and rolled her eyes when she found that it was basically Jake trying to talk her through an orgasm, like one-sided phone sex. Her laugh was genuine. That’s exactly something he would do. Finally, the last track. He told her he loved her probably a million times. The final track was reserved for telling her all of the things he loved about her. 

She was the lucky one. She hoped he knew that. 

\--

Amy got up in the morning, readying herself with tasks to distract her from the day that was before her. The third anniversary since Jake’s death. She came into the living room, the light from the early morning falling perfectly on the photograph of Jake, wearing his uniform, that was emboldened on a canvas at the center of all of their family photographs. Photos of the two of them, the three of them, and new photos that he was not present for. 

She smiled at him, touching the photo lightly with her fingertips before continuing about her day. 

Their daughter, now five, was up and eating breakfast. Amy helped her clear her cereal bowl before she readied herself to do laundry. 

She had been folding the load that was left in the dryer when she heard a familiar laugh. She smiled at the sound and traipsed toward her own bedroom, where the sound was coming from. 

What she found when she got there was something she never could have prepared herself for. 

Standing in front of her, pooled in Jake’s uniform jacket, was their daughter. His daughter. She was holding his badge in her hands, thumbing it the same way Amy had on this day, three years ago. The chain was around her neck and she looked from the badge up to her mom, his too-big hat tipping to the side of her head. 

“Look, mommy! I’m just like dad!” 

Amy smiles. She’s just like her dad. She can feel the tears already falling as she watches the little baby that Jake was so excited to hold for the first time swimming in his clothes, looking like a tinier, more feminine version of him. 

“Hold on, Pineapples,” she used Jake’s favorite nickname for her, a nickname that they frequently heard on the CD that he left for them. “Let me get a picture.” 

Now, forever next to his photograph, was a photo of the little girl that he was so proud of. His crooked smile splayed across her face as she held his badge in both hands, showing it off to the camera, his hat threatening to fall off of her head.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you cry? I did. I still am. I didn't even edit because I didn't want to read it again. 
> 
> Also can we talk about how even my dead Jake is super fluffy?
> 
> Comments & kudos appreciated.


End file.
